Hey, it's been a while. I bet you lost hope! But no. Here I am again. I think I have something worth sharing.
A beautiful person keeps telling me to paint more and more, let my thoughts and imagination take over and observe whatever shit spreads over my canvas.
So I'm just about to go for it. I have this huge canvas that's been waiting forever. It looks beautiful as it is but everybody knows a white and untouched canvas is just slightly boring. Gonna turn the heating on, put on warm socks, put all my material in front of me, make sure I have my fleece on (yes, fleece) and put some Mercury Rev because that's how I like it. I will then release all my energies, make them travel through my hands and hopefully something will come out.
I'd rather the result looks beautiful but if it doesn't, at least I'll be proud to have tackled my fear. Should I also precise that I will have no material to copy from whatsoever? Nope. Just me and my fucked up self.
That's how we like it.
Jesus, even Mac is retarded now. I give up.
Ok. I just wrote this previous thing and then posted it, but I've just realised that I wasn't finished. Not finished at all.
I'm currently in the process of writing the learning plan for my placement. I basically need to take an approach on what and how I want to learn during my 6 months placement. That is fine. They had to give us something to write about. But the way it's done, seriously?
I'm trying to know what I need to do for tomorrow, but one paper says one thing and the other one says a different one. That's because the two "teachers" that we have are so bloody disorganised they can't even agree on something for 9 months straight.
I'm therefore getting annoyed on my own. Shouting. A little. And also probably my flatmate next door must think I'm a freak. As in... it just got even more confirmed.
Oh and the laptop would not cooperate. Why can I not type something on Word and listen to Spotify at the same time without taking 2 minutes for every letter to appear? I don't know. That's probably part of the endless thing which don't make sense in life.
It's actually been a pretty good week end with all the necessary included. Booze, friends, jokes, drama, hugs and more. GOOD.
Tonight I have been re-introduced to Last.fm. I had registered in 2008 but never really got into it. During the past hour I have been playing around with it a little and it's actually pretty sweet. Loads of cool little things that make the website worthwhile.
Tomorrow will be a good day. I am going to the skin clinic to try and hunt that bitch of allergy down. I'll kill it and make it regret what it did to me. Let's do this.
They'll install patches all across my back and we will remove them on Wednesday to see what can be the cause of all this. It's like seeing someone you've met on internet after months of chatting, or finally going to see a very well rated film: exciting!
Other than that, there'll be some uni work and some JAC work involved this week. Quite a lot actually. But it's OK. I'm going to see Band of Horses (BOH!) on Thursday. My week will be complete. Just in time before the weekend's fun starts again. YES!
Today does't feel like Sunday. It's a very good thing.
Oh yeah, and as I'm about to leave the perverted word of internet for the night, I cannot help but think of how good it is to be alone sometimes. Because my problem is that before I'm alone, I don't like the thought of being alone soon, but now that I am -right now, it's actually pretty enjoyable.
first, pictures. A few to sum up what the last weeks/months have been made up of. A bit of everything: sadness, happy times, drunk times, but most importantly many reality checks. Seems like I have been living in my own little imaginary world. Not that it's necessarily better than reality....
Look at these two... All I can hope is that by the time I reach that age I will be as happy and as in love as they are.
So yeah, it's not been all bad, and I've had some pretty awesome times. BUT, I have also realised that yes, there are many retards around. I don't know if retards is the correct word. I think I just have no idea how to express myself sometimes. Especially when the desire of expressing my thoughts is related to anger.
I'd say there are quite a few types of "retards". I do think they're all happy thought. And I also think that maybe on the other side, they think I am one too. A retard, I mean.
I still don't know if it's the way some people are brought up that fucks them up, or simply the fact that that's just the way they are. I've had quite a tumultuous upbringing myself and I don't think I have turned up too bad. But then again, this is not for me to judge.
I feel I see weirdos everywhere and I cannot help but getting a bit annoyed at them. How do some people live with:
- Tight trousers.
- Fuck loads of cheap perfume sprayed on several times a day.
- The idea that their own country is the best and that because this country is where their friends and boyfriend are, nowhere else can be better.
- A exhaustive list of principles.
- No dreams at all.
- No fucking ambitions.
- Taking themselves wayyy too seriously.
- Themselves talking rubbish instead of shutting up.
- No love ready to give to the ones who matter.
- No imagination to get away from our almost miserable lives. Sometimes. Day dreaming is the cure.
Voila, c'est tout pour ce soir. Je serai de nouveau repartie très bientôt. Protester contre tout et rien, c'est ça mon truc. Peut être que ça prouve qu'au moins que je ne me fiche pas encore de tout?
Looks like I still care...
Bonne nuit les petits. Le marchand de sable sera la d'une minute a l'autre.
So, ok, it's 2011. However, I have some big news for you: nothing has changed! Everything is still the same, the world hasn't changed, and everybody's little lives are... well what they were before. Crap or good? You tell me. Oh no, I'll tell you first.
My hands hurt and will be falling off anytime soon. Nothing new about that.
I find it hard to sleep and focus these days.
I feel too much and I'm as confused as never before. That'll always be my weakness.
I'm still bloody impatient.
Oh, but the worst and the crappiest? I over-analyse. Damn!
I get pissed off at retards. Why are there so many??
My hands. Again. Why would the clinic not answer?! What if they were literally falling off?
I still have a bunch of pretty fucking awesome friends.
I keep on discovering pretty fucking awesome music everyday and that makes me feel VERY good.
I trick myself to feel better. So yeah, I'm good at tricking my mind and good for me!
I've come to learn how to care less and enjoy more.
I create more.
I have exciting projects to look forward to.
I have exciting GIGS to look forward to!
I'm getting fitter. Not fit :)
Mhmm... that was a lot of me, me, me. But then again, hardly anyone reads this, so who cares!