A dream

Last night I had an amazing dream. The kind of dream that is amazing but still ok to expose to others (i.e. my two or three regular readers).

So. I was for some reason looking for a flat to move in by myself. So I went to this address in Brunstfield and knocked on the door. An old woman opened the door.
I got in the flat and here it was: a huge room with a huge bed, nice bed sheets, loads of pillows. The bed was in the centre of the living room. Maybe that means something? Lately I have been thinking about how great of a place bed is. The best place in the world. The best things happen in bed. Sleeping being the best of the bestest.
I was already impressed by this high ceiling, spacious, charming flat. It wasn't modern, the paint was crumbling down the white walls but god it just felt so homely. We then moved to the kitchen which was just as big as the first room. The cooking area just took 10% of the space or so. The rest was just empty space. And I remember thinking: "wow, imagine the great parties I could do here". It was ideal.
But the best part was still to come: a MASSIVE room just full of clothes racks and on every single hanger, magnificent cashmere jumpers. Jumpers of all sizes and colours. Jumpers with beads, pearls and sparkle. Amazing jumpers, all with this little airy layer on top of the wool -so typical of cashmere.

Ah it was beautiful. The space, the bed, the kitchen, the endless clothes racks full of jumpers.
And it was only £110 a week, I remember! Surely it was worth it!

When I left the flat, and after a great chat with the owner who loved me, I saw a group of four or five people sitting across the road. Art students waiting to have their turn to visit the flat. They were all so well dressed but also so very up their own arses. So when I walked down the street, I saw them entering and I remember thinking: no way they are taking away my beautiful nest.
I then woke up and never got to find out what happened. But I'm pretty sure the owner then decided to keep the flat after seeing the love in my eye. She just realised she had something so valuable, she couldn't give it away so easily.


Here comes the rage

So here it comes. The post full of rage following today's events and then some.
I showed up at 7.20am this morning at the airport just to sit down and waste eight hours of my day reading the departures screen. No luck, my flight was cancelled. That is of course because nobody can handle the snow and mostly because this end of year is cursed. Fucking rotten.

People had been queuing for ten hours already when I arrived at the Air France desk so I thought I would go home and re-book a flight online. That was only after being told by an hostess that all the foreigners had priority over UK residents and that they had already re-booked all flights until the 24th. The lovely woman also reassured me with some wise advice:
- "You can always re-book a flight in January"
- "Well, January ain't the fucking same, is it? Because Christmas 2010 ain't happening in bloody January, ya bitch!" Seriously...
Needless to say that on my way back I did not give a smile to anyone that crossed my path. If anybody had talked to me or -God forbid, annoyed me, I swear I would have bitten.

I am now at home, checking the sky high prices of the next days' flights. I don't care. Daddy better pay for that. I WILL BE going home for Christmas. Nothing will stop me.

Now. I need a few things. First, chocolate. Then probably a warm room, a fleece blanket, a good movie... If that is achieved, then I will have already managed to calm down a notch.
Also, friends would be handy. But turns out almost everybody's gone home. Lucky bastards.

Oh and if I cannot reach home before Christmas Eve then wherever it is that I find myself, I will buy Champagne. The champagne will be flowing because god knows that getting drunk on champagne makes you momentarily feel all warm and happy inside. So that's my plan B.

Before that, works awaits tomorrow. I have re-taken the shift... Since it seems I'm not quite on holidays yet.


Nothing ever happened

No matter how the environment differs around you, everything is always the fucking same.
You're the same person, with the same thoughts. New thoughts might have been created but old ones are always sneaking around, ready to jump at your throat during your slightest moment of inattention. So beware of the bad ones.

I've been thinking a lot -as you can tell. It would probably be simpler if I could erase part of my memory and start from whichever moment in time pleased me. The truth is, it's not that easy. You can't force yourself to forget, just like you can't force yourself to remember. Feelings make you think in a certain way and no efforts, however devoted they are, will ever help. Ok, I'm not very devoted to that. I have a lazy mind. Oh yes, I actually do -big time. I haven't really, genuinely tried to clear up my mind.

I have lost stuff that there's no way I'll ever get back. So I believe, for now.


Pouce!!! Je me rends.

I've definitely given up on a few things. I realized that this morning when my new Ipod/radio device rang off at 7.30am.
First of all, the radio. People have turned gay -fo' sho. All the music on "normal" radio is shit, guys (and girls) have turned gay, especially the ones who dress with white vests and pretend to tell girls how great they are. They probably don't even know what a girl tastes like. So yeah, the maintstream radio first of all.
Also, this bloody report. I did not sign up to learn how to provide people service. I do not want to provide anybody a service. I want to provide gigs: one off thrilling experiences. Certainly not food on a plate. Don't need to know all about silver service. So fuck SOM. I'll do my very best to pass, but really... this module is going against all my personal career goals.
I really didn't want to mention it, but the snow really? Well, in fact, the snow is good, me likes it. It's the government I don't understand. So apparently you're supposed to check on your neighboors to make sure they have "a loaf of bread, sugar and tea". How about a pack of crisps while they're at it? And this is all because apparently people in need of help are too shy to ask for it. It's not war time as far as I know.
Fourth? Yes, this report again. Maaaaan!!
Oh, I was gonna forget. One thing this weather is not doing in my favour: my creams cannot arrive by plane and in the meantime my hands might well fall off. Ah well. Maybe I should wish for that before monday so I don't have to type the report?? Mhmhm... need to think about that.
And finally: people. God, some people are stupid. I have given up on a few of them. Thankfully the ones I have given up on don't really matter and probably never have. The ones that are pissing me off right now at least still matter to me which I guess is a good sign.

Positive thing? Good music will save us all.


Fuck this shit.

Things are going nowhere. Seems like this blog is only here to take on all the shit that goes through my mind.


Feeling good today. Yes. Yes. Yes. Nothing will change my mind about that.




I could just fill up the rest of this blog with quotes from "L'amour dure trois ans" ou bien "L'egoiste romantique". Just because there's so much truth in these books. Little sentences that mean a lot and also, so much to relate to.
I've recently rediscovered how to read his books. Just by opening them at any page and stumble upon a paragraph that catches my eye.

I have also painted some more. And for the last one I let a little bit of my unfortunately very limited imagination take place. Not too sure how much I've actually managed to create, but at least I let myself go a little, and that felt much more rewarding than anything I could have copied from A to Z.

Also, it is sunday. Yes, it is. Surely no one can disagree on the fact that Sundays are just an absolute waste of time and negative energy, and most importantly, a huge waste of overwhelming thoughts.
So fuck off Sundays. This one and all the next ones. And the past ones too. God knows they've been a source of disturbance for the peaceful minds.

And actually, yeah, I think we all have to admit that Sundays are part of the endless list of all things overrated.


Byyyyye. I'm on standby.


Frederic, Oh Frederic.

Il devait avait avoir bien raison: l'amour dure trois ans. Trois ans, peu importe comment ils se deroulent.
Grand amour, amour a sens unique, amour inaccompli, amour caché.
Trois ans: le temps qu'il faut pour se lasser l'un de l'autre, pour laisser place a l'ennui. Trois ans pour en recommencer trois autres?


Voyage intersideral!!!!!! "Moi je, moi je"

Plusieurs choses:

Pourquoi ci, pourquoi ca. J'analyse, je tords, je decortique, je tourne, retourne, je souleve, questionne, questionne les questions, reponds et questionne mes propres reponses. Je me masturbe l'esprit. Oui oui, tout a fait.
J'ai mal a la tete et mal au dos. Je suis tendue et c'est ma faute. Je me masturbe l'esprit. Oui oui, tout a fait.

Autre chose: (qui est peut etre raliée aux idees ci-dessus) Pourquoi les personnes que vous cherissez ont-elles besoin d'envoyer tant de signaux contraires? Un peu comme un "Je t'aime moi non plus" des temps modernes. Meme si ca n'a jamais vraiment vieilli... Un jour tu es ma meilleure amie, ma confidente, ma soeur. Le jour suivant c'est toi qui me met des batons dans les roues. Presque par plaisir de tout gacher. La faute n'est tout de meme pas seulement la tienne, je te l'accorde.
Ok, on en restera la. Je t'adore, je t'en veux, je te hais, tu m'aimes, tu me desteste, tu ne me respecte pas et puis finalement c'est l'ennui. L'indifference. Boh! Que faire quand la relation a perdu sa saveur? Je t'aime quand meme va! Enfin j'espere, sinon c'est quand meme du gachi tout ca!

Bon ca va, ca va. C'etait le chapitre "comment procrastiner (ca se dit ca en francais?) en vers et contre tout. Dans le meme style vous pouvez aussi essayer: passer l'aspirateur (presque moins fun qu'etudier), deplacer les meubles (ca j'ai essayé ce Week End et ca marche pas mal du tout!), discuter sur FB avec les copains (oui ca c'est pas mal mais assez ordinaire), organizer son temps (ca J'ADOOORE!!): ecrire sur mon agenda, planifier, raturer, re-ecrire, blancotter. Oh oui, Oh oui!! Sinon sortir prendre un petit Dej' (un faux, pas pour de vrai) avec les copains est une solution, mais qui peut revenir chere a la longue.
Enfin, etudier n'est pas fait pour durer!

Autre chose? Euuuhhh... non pas vraiment. Enough with the shit. Ah si attendez, ca aussi c'etait du procrastinage (euh.. non ca doit pas se dire ca en francais).

Allez, c'est ca, A+ !

Better get crackin'


There's no such thing.



En ces temps miserables.

No meat, no carbs, no gluten./No diet.
No boundaries, no dictators, no rules./No personality, no risk taking.
No feelings, no commitment, no love, no LOVE./No shame.

People cannot make their minds up, so they just throw it all out there. All these ideas contradicting themselves.



I have known worse times, really. Although uni seems to be more a pain than an enjoyment this year compared to what it used to be, I really have other things to put a smile on my face.

I will be starting a placement in March. Split placement that is. Because why do simple when you can do things in a complicated way? So I'm currently looking at awesome places that would see in me all the good things I can bring them! I sent a few emails around and will hopefully get positive returns. It's all about showing how motivated you are and I think I've done it pretty well.

Other than that, I have now turned brunette again. Because I felt like going back to what I was before, i.e. not blond. It's winter soon, my hair was damaged and I've been thinking about it for about a year on and off so I thought "What the hell?", let's do it!
So I did. And I like it. I feel like for the first few days I can misbehave a little bit and if I get into trouble, nobody will recognize me anyway!

Meeting Christina tonight for a drink in my old hood: the West End. Yes, that's right. I don't miss it but it's nice to be back sometimes. It feels like going back to the neighbourhood where you grew up. Except I didn't grow up there, I just lived there during the two first year of my life in Edinburgh. So yes, it does mean a lot.

I'll say "laters" with this beautiful song by Grandaddy. I don't know in what kind of cave I have been living during all these years, but everyday I discover amazing bands that I had never been bothered to listen to. And for that, shame on me.




Saviour refers to a person who helps people achieve salvation, or saves them from something.


Ah, wait... I have something lame to say:

This being said, I AM BLOODY HAPPY.

Catch up

Hello. It's been a wee while since I have written. Things have been going pretty sweetly. I mean, yes, they have. But, there's a but: I realised something. Whatever the situation you're in: good or bad, you always find yourself problem to worry about. Sometimes you do have worries and that's just the way it is. And some other times all is beautiful, you get what you were hoping for and then you just make up your own worries. Just because people do love feeling miserable somehow. People love moaning and getting this warmth in their tummy, synonym of stress and impatience. And by people I -of course-also mean myself. Actually, I'm probably top of the list.


Le passe muraille- Marcel Aymé

This is a book that I studied when I was in secondary school. I really liked it and yesterday I found the translation on internet. They also made a movie out of it with these really good french actors. If you have an hour to spare (it's a short novel), read it, it's a french classic! :)


Alternativelty, you can of course try yourself and read the original version:



I'm sitting at work right now. Not too long until my break finishes. Just a wee update on future exciting plans!
Tonight I'm meeting Christina and we are going to the The Switch at the cinema. We haven't been hanging out for such a long time and it's going to be nice to see each other again and talk like we used to.
Tomorrow night it's a big night for Karo as she is celebrating her big master dissertation hand-in. THE BEAST! Good night ahead! Karo is gonna go all the wayy to make up for the last months of isolation.
Finally, Saturday is the "big ass reunion party". Time to see Annika, and Kris again! Ahhh this is gonna be so good!
Sunday: I'll do nothing. Yasss!
This time, no work during the week end and I'm certainly gonna enjoy my free time to it's full potential!

Good times!


Le tableau

Jesus! Mon petit jesus tout poilu poilu! Quelle pain in the arse ce tableau! J'aurais passé au total a peu pres 10h dessus, voir plus. Tout cela pour un resultat qui n'est plutot pas mal.. Je vous laisse en juger un peu plus bas.
Mis a part le fait que Sabrina ne viendra certainement jamais le recuperer avant de partir d'ici demain soir, je me sens tout a fait sereine. Contente des faits récents. Rien a redire. Je ne pourrais pas savoir quoi critiquer meme si j'essayai vraiment tres tres fort. C'est sweet, ca sent bon, et on dirait bien que c'est parti pour durer au moins ne serait-ce qu'un petit moment. Un tout petit tiny moment qui peut etre pourrait en devenir un long. Ce qui me va tout a fait.

"Good things come for those who wait" Euan said it, not me!

Ouuuh it's late!! Night night! xx


Give me some sleep!

I haven't had a proper night of full sleep since last week. Work, parties, work, work, work.... This being said I did get to see good bands: Phoenix and Modest Mouse. Bad artists too: Mika and Jason Derulo (by far the worst). I am looking forward to tomorrow night because guess what I'm doing?? Nothing!! Tonight I will finish the painting and maybe also meet with Sabrina for one last drink and then tomorrow I will have no painting due, no work, no plans, nothing! This is gonna be awesome!
I'm listening to Andy Williams. Don't care if it's classified as "classical music" at HMV. I like it. What do they know anyway? Peter Andre's album is in the Rock department... (and it's priced at £20!!)

Right now I have absolutely no clue as to when I'll go back to France for a visit. This is a bit scary. Don't know if I'll get to go home long enough at Christmas to go see everyone, and I know that if I only get like 4 or 5 days, it's gonna look like everything BUT holidays. Maybe October? Or later...


Allo Ja!

Hello, hello, hello.
I'm running out of words so here are a few photos just to summarize what's been happening lately in my Oh so wonderful life:

Marte moved in to her new one bedroom flat (uh, uh, uh). Sweeeet!

While she was unpacking, I was already making myself at home. Picturing some lazy sunday afternoons ahead of us. This couch is a gift from God!

I got ill as a dog. Fever and all the shit. Here you can see what a Raccoon's goose bumps look like.

Sinead took Karo and I to the ECA postgraduate textile design fashion show. The ECA must be doing something right I must say, because all were very talented. I let you judge the work...

Happy peeps! And below, some of my favourite pieces:


I got quite fascinated by this Russian guy's front house... You might be too.

We had a dinner + impromptue cake party at Marte's crib. Yeah! Check out all the toffee sauce. Oh, watch out, you just drooled on your keyboard!

Hungry person.

On sunday we went to the game: Hibbs Vs Rangers. Check this out!!! That was AWESOME! I'm going back, man!

My dear Kimbo and I.

This week I worked and worked and worked. My room had become a real mine field! Badgad, I'm telling you!

A proper tidying up session was in order. Heavy music and the whole lot. And Tah Dah!!!!

Tonight we are heading to town for this night at the GRV: Modern Lovers, but also and mainly in my heart for Sabrina's leaving drinks. A little goodbye before she leaves for good to go to England. I also need to finish this painting I promised her! I'll keep you updated on that and will probably post a wee picture of that very soon.

Have a good night wee rodents and other farm animals! xx


Eternel recommencement

You work, keep busy, do stuff. Good stuff.

You think, convince yourself, get on with an idea you created. A good idea.

You make friends, hang out, party together. Good times.

But at the end of the day you just realize it's still the same. And you just think "Shit, it's not gonna be that easy. Especially with me not helping myself!"


Good evening to you my sweet babycakes :)

I hope you're good tonight because as far as I'm concerned I'm quite well. Listening to some sweet music, singing along, organizing the exciting upcoming weeks with my best friend Agenda. This one never lets me down. Never changes its mind and always stick to the plan. Like that.

I'm feeling positive just because as time goes by I tend to develop the ability of accepting the way things are. Just because it's the only way to go forward. Instead of hoping for more than what you're given, just appreciate the moment right now. Easier said than done. Ah well...
The past moments should never affect too much your present mood. The past should stay behind and we should always look up to new perspectives. Realistic ones that is. I sound so wise on paper...!

I caught myself listening to some good old school music: Martha Reeves, Budy Holy, Four tops, The Temptations, Frankie Avalon. Good stuff. It definitely helps putting me in a good mood. And that's a winner because despite of my cheerful attitude I'm someone who always tend to look on the dark side when on my own. Always chewing up every situation, analysing, wondering, questionning, "what if"-ing, pondering, blues-ing, blablabla...
I wish they invented a robot that would never ask questions and was just there to answer yours. A being who would never get tired of all your questions, wouldn't mind answering the same 10 times in a row, same questions, same answers only said in a different way. A being who wouldn't judge, let you do mistakes but stops you before you're about to make a HUGE one. Someone who also wouldn't get tired of you speaking about the same odd thing (person) all over and over and over again. Talking about every aspects of this person, every single moments. The most open and honest conversation.


Company :)

Ahhhh Kim is coming to see me tonight and this is a serious cheer up! This room is getting too depressing for me. I just had a shower -as I do on sunday nights, it seems to help me start the week on the right track. If I find the strength I might even "cook" something... I said I might, ok?

You too might be cheered up by the following:

No fun

I'm bored, I'm so fucking bored!!!! The past three days have been the most pointless-boring-sick days of 2010 so far. I've been missing out on good weather, parties, tacos, possibly cinema, farewell drinks: la totale quoi! So instead I've just been sitting at home, being a complete nervous wreck, not being able to do anything but still not wanting not to be doing anything. I've been turning around (no further than in my bed that is) like a lion in a cage. And to top it all up, my laptop is a piece of shit. Not surprise here, it's old news.
Hopefully I'll have recovered by next week end and I can seriously make up for it! Oh. yes. Uh uh.

I got nothing to do. Nothing that I can do except lying down. I've seen all the movies in the world (not true). My hands hurt too. I'm fucking bored. I'm fucking bored. Bummer.

No fun my babe no fun
No fun my babe no fun
No fun to hang around
Feeling that same old way
No fun to hang around
Freaked out for another day
No fun my babe no fun
No fun my babe no fun
No fun to be around
Walking by myself
No fun to be alone
In love with nobody else
Well maybe go out maybe stay home
maybe call Mom on the telephone
Well come on, well come on,
well come on........


This is goodbye

Today was a weird, slow and sad day. Although, surprisingly enough, it wasn't THAT bad.
Firstly, the morning went so slowly. 10:30am, you'd think it was already lunch time, but no such chance... You probably know what I mean.

Then, I just had to get used to the idea that my dear Sabrina was leaving us. Mostly leaving me, actually. Last moments, last laughs, last talk talk, last advices, last Swiss/French translations. Oh, I'm going to miss you dearly! This is only until the next time though. The real "aurevoir". When she'll be back from her Swiss holidays, we'll meet one last time in Edinburgh, get drunk, have fun, laugh, talk, give each other advices, dance, sing and part. Then I will always be able to go see her down South in Portsmouth, but it won't be that easy...

Second break up: Marte. We are taking a break. Not living together anymore. Leaving each other just to find ourselves back again when the time has come. She's moving in to her very grown up one bedroom flat in Polwarth where I seriously plan on leaving my toothbrush if you get what I mean ;) She won't object I'm sure.
Back in Tollcross I will now be living with Chris and Mickey. Random mix I hear you say. I know :)


Fuis moi, je te suis. Suis moi, je te fuis... A non, c'est seulement moi qui suis l'autre...

This is not all so sweet. When you want to get over something that is over but you just can't, it takes a while to figure things out. It shouldn't be that fucking hard.
Keep being nice to the persons I should go away from. Smile, laugh, and be nice when I don't even have to and I shouldn't, really. It's not even that I'm trying, I just can't help it. Because this force is dragging me towards them.
I went to bed last night with the pain hitting my fingers. Woke up in the middle of the night, scratched myself to bleed. Woke up with the pain.
Woke up in pain.

Bingo! You've reached a new level.
Try again.


Une histoire de plage

Connards a gogo.


Guys are gay. You are gay. This room is gay. This table is gay. What you're saying is gay. This bedsheet is gay. My grandma is gay. This situation is gay. Feelings are gay. The whole wide world is turning gay!!!!!


Amour maternel

Today I got the nicest surprise in the post. My mum posted me a parcel. I quickly got very excited about what was inside but the outside was already enough to make me happy. It was wrapped into a baby pink paper with handwriten sweet words on it. And I found inside:
  • A silver keyring with stone beads
  • A colourfulmetal bracelet made out of crushed cans or something... crafty mummy!
  • A necklace made out of big wooden beads. Not sure I'll ever wear it unless African fashion comes back!
  • A BIG ring with a turquoise stone
  • Pyrennees soap for my fragile skin
  • Some very unexpected money
  • A collage with a big red heart on it
  • And finally the sweetest and most loving letter of them all.
Big surge of love and tenderness for my mum right now. The one and only. I miss her.

(just you watch after the first 50 seconds..)

Tu perdras ta saveur comme mon Bubblegum

Aimer toujours le meme homme
C'est des histoires a la gomme
L'amour mon vieux c'est tout comme
Du bubble bubble gum

Tu bailles et tu t'étires comme
Tu éclates de rire comme
Tu es rose pale comme
Mon bubble bubble gum

Entre mes bras tu étais comme
Tu étais tendre et sucré comme
Tu as perdu ta saveur comme
Mon bubble bubble gum

Si je pouvais t'balancer comme
Mais tu me colles aux semelles comme
Allez va reviens welcome
Mon bubble bubble gum