Nouveau depart.

Not all so doom and gloom it seems. Not quite as I hoped for either, but someday everything will fall into its right place and we will find a nice balance, some kind of harmony in this fucked up, stupid situation. The sooner, the better, because it's got to be highly worth it.

Sometimes I'm impressed at how brutally honest I can be. Just like I was. Although, I do like it. I believe that nobody owes anything to anyone, except probably honesty. Not always so easy though.

So I guess I'm moving on, trying to make it easier for myself and probably also for my close friends. Minimising collateral damages y'know...

It seems that we are all in such different stages in life that it's just a bit of a challenge to be connected at the same time with the individuals who matter.

Click, click, click. Won't stop just yet I'm afraid...

Faites de beaux reves xx


Life's a bitch and then you die.

La lose, la vraie, celle qui te fait bien regretter les semaines passées. C'est comme etre sur un nuage et d'un jour au lendemain, d'une minute a l'autre, te retrouver sous le nuage. Le nuage te suit. Right on top of your head.
Pas de logique, pas d'honneteté. Move on. Fast. Faster!

Pas si simple. Click, re-click. Rien ne se passe, rien n'a changé depuis les deux dernieres minutes. Click de nouveau. Une heure, deux heures plus tard: toujours rien. 'Won't be back.

Click, click, click.... Click. Mip.


Shorter posts. More depth into them.

Night night. x


So not is all lost.

There's still hope since my beautiful flatmate Jacobo was here to put some sense into my confused mind. Maybe the key to stay out of trouble is to genuinely be detached. So far so good!

Sov Godt!

La lose (bis)

Damn it. This is turning out to be a shitty evening. A super ratty evening. Karo I miss you!


Adolescent heart

Fuck, this is gonna be a goood day, and I know it for FACT. And you know why?
Because somehow someone on this ill planet has had the kindness to offer me his bathtub. Someone kind and understanding -and also friggin awesome! KIMBO!!
Oh I'm excited! First bath in a YEAR. At some point I just stopped hoping! But believe it or not, Kim came along and saw how much of a big deal this bath was. So I'm going ALL THE WAY to Inverleith, taking the bus on a sunday, carrying my towels and others bath accessories with me. But Man, this has to be worth it! A real bath with HOT HOT HOT water, steam, bubbles, music, and... wait for it... a Veggie meal at the end! Yeah because... Kim had to entertain herself while I fully enjoy myself, therefore she so kindly offered to cook us a veggie meal for when I come out of my bath! I must have done something right! Don't ask what, but I know that today, I'm blessed!


My friend Sabrina's asked me to paint her two paintings for her new flat. One for her bedroom and one for her living room. We agreed she would let me do what I do best for the living room. Something black and white or with colour blocks. Something graphic, structured, pop, fun. Something I would definitely enjoy painting.
But for the second one, the one for her bedroom she had something very precise in mind. An Hawaiian flower. Yes. An Hawaiian flower. Bloody hell!

So. I thought I'm just gonna have to figure out something bacause I can't just be painting a freaking Hawaiian flower with some leafs, nice colours, tah dah!!!! No. I started thinking of how I could change this project into an exciting thing. Also something that I could relate to, feel close to. Because after all it's not like I sell paintings for a living or anything. I still need to do enjoy it and be proud of it.

And there it was. I found a picture on my beloved website and I thought that's the one! Im just gonna change it and customize it to my dear Swiss friend and I hooope she'll like it. If not I'll keep it. Even with the Hawaiian flowers.


La lose.

For once I'm back from the Cuckoo's Nest and upset. I'm upset because APPARENTLY it's not ok to have a few drinks, switch to orange juice for the last one and then decide to go home when it's no earlier than midnight.
What the fuck? Does it really come down to this? Are we teenagers still in need to prove ourselves to our friends. I want to go home: I go home. I dont want to get absolutely shitfaced drunk tonight. FINE.

Barnaby ended up by strongly approving. I'm relieved and a bit calmer now.

Tomorrow's program will be painting, sun, more painting, walk, painting, pampering, drawing and probably Frederick will join me before I go to bed for an enjoyable reading session. Also, if I could I would have a burning hot bath for about an hour, listening to awesome music and reading ELLE... But not happening since I'm one of these miserable people who don't have a bath tub. Bummer.


Good times.

Maybe I should moan about something. Maybe the weather? Work? An untidy bedroom (yes, it does affect my mood)... No holidays, running out of money...
Nahh.. Why would I bother when these are actually good times!

Tonight we went to meet Kim at the Cuckoo's. I respected my own deal and ordered a Hendricks. No cider. No beer. We started off my a good card game. I arrived second (out of three) many times and we followed up this very enjoyable bit of entertainment by some random talk with Toby. Sex, sex with the Eiffel tower, sex shops, porn websites, inflatable dolls.... Don't ask! Anyway, very enjoyable evening indeed.

Yesss! Tomorrow Friday, which means week end, which hopefully means good weather which means Meadows! I've been wanting to go to the Meadows, walk and lay in the sun for so long now.

Only three weeks to go until Marte moves out. Good times too. We will be able to be apart. At last. It's only to find each other again a month later or so... But at least it will be good to just go our own way. Being alone doesn't necessarily means being lonely.

Night night xx


<a href="http://cruzado.bandcamp.com/album/love-loss-and-the-broken-time-machine">My Next Turn by Cruzado</a>




That was it.

Good night. xx


Trying to remember

I woke up this morning remembering the fantastic dream I was in just before this feckin alarm clock rang... My dad came to see me here in Scotland, he came to pick me up at work during lunch time, we jumped onto this flying open train and had the most amazing sushis... Good times <3

So here are a few songs I'm sure he would enjoy right now...


Besoin de rien, envie de toi.

I need more time. I need to feel the satisfaction hit my brain and sending warmth down my spine. I need a friend who doesn't judge. I need to get a grip.

I need a camera, nylon strings, a gold necklace, a matt light blue nail polish, more lace socks, a book shelf, all Frederick Beigbeder's books to put on my needed bookshelf, a LBD, paint brushes, pencils, a Birkin, new music, new fucking awesome music.

And there's this other thing that I feel I've always wanted -more than all the things I could have ever felt I needed, but it seems it's yet too special to get it just now...

Give me some of that.

Hard to explain

All of us. We are all so different but all the same at the same time. I cannot imagine that the ones that pretend to be happy all the time really are. Same as I don't find the tortured ones credible enough to feel for them.
I believe that we are all different, complicated individuals, only showing the tip of our own iceberg. There's so much more to someone that what they want to show. You think you know someone and then something happens one day and you just realize that there's still a long way to go to fully understand what this person really is about.

But it's good to just leave a bit of mystery in the whole process of getting to know each other. How extremely boring would that be if it only took like a few months to fully get to know someone.

... Feel the happiness, the sadness.
Just know.
Straight away.
No words.

Just a look and all is said...

Not happening.


You're the one that I want

I have many complexes. My biggest one, however, is probably not the one that you would think of. What makes me a bit ashamed, uncomfortable, and all quiet sometimes is my lack of classics knowledge. And by that I mean the fact that coming from France I have a lack of musical roots. Oh no, I said it! Yes, I am completely ignorant, blatantly unfamiliar to the biggest artists that have influenced today's music.

BUT the most important part is that I am going towards better times. I am learning everyday more and more, so that when I am the great music event manager that I want to be I can be credible and believe in myself as a real, true and faithful music lover. Beautiful!


The cutest!

Peace Frog

Yesterday, after work we decided to go for a few drinks: Eva, Sabrina, Marte, Mario and me. We first headed to The Orchard in Canomills. We had some Hoegaarden white beer, Marte stole two glasses, we talked about our favorite vegetables and decided it was time to head south. We therefore started walking towards George St and stopped by The Standing order for some cheap burgers, beer and random banter. When we got enough of being surrounded my all the Spanish first time pubbers we made our way towards the old town. Mario suggested this cosy and almost hidden place: Black Bo's. Candle light, small bar and Hendricks: works for me! We stayed there a while talking about gossiping a little about people in the office, sharing the stories of our worst dates, and overall having a great laugh (I must say the story of my brother in law's monkey was one of the highlights, mhm..)!
We then parted and the night took a new turn for Marte and me who decided to head to... *drumroll pleeease*... The Cuckoo's Nest! What a surprise! I guess you weren't expecting that! Of all the places... We had our favorite: Kopparberg Elderflower & Lime. We danced, sang, laughed, drank for free and had a fab time! Simple.


Let's start over.

Yesterday night we went to see "When you're strange". I let you google it if you have no idea what I'm talking about. It was absolutely awesome. I love music documentaries, and this one being about the Doors, I just thought that I couldn't pretend to be a music lover without going. So I went. And I loved it. Troubled frontmen are so sexy and powerful.. mhmhm..!!

Damn these sunday nights when you just come out of the shower dripping wet and you just sit on the sofa, have a juice of pressed Cox Bramley Apples and just think about all the things you greedily wish for. Damn it! Maybe I should just stop blogging until I cease to do so. But I'll always love pressed Cox Bramley Apples, so I guess I'll just have to brighten up my thoughts on Sunday nights. Not so easy me thinks.

What became of the Sweet Raccoon?


Why did you come here? Why do I need to write? Why do people expose their lives on internet? Why are people interested in others' lives? Are people bored? Why do some people need to talk? How do some others manage to keep it inside? How do you feel right now? Is this situation ever gonna change? Is everything writen? Until which extend are we all different? Why are all the best things the worse for you? Why -if we keep looking for happiness- do we still go towards what's not the best for us? And if you know what's good for you, why can't you find it? Is it hidden? Do we even need to think about all this? Shall we question it? Why do some persons have answers and some don't? How come I still have so much time to accomplish all the things I aspire to do, but still feel it's getting late? Are you still reading? Why can't we be honest with each others? Why some people have more feelings than others? Why some are more cold hearted? Why are some others warmer in their little heart? Why are some of us just indifferent? How can you be indifferent? How do you take distance? How do you pretend not to care? Are we all looking for the same thing? Is there anything to be ashamed of? How do we get along? What makes you happy? When you find something that makes you happy, can you just do it all over again and again? Or does the happiness just fade away? Do you then have to look for something else? Why are we so changing but still the same? Why do we get together? Are we happier together? What do you do if you can't find what you're looking for? Why are we so afraid of what others think? Does it matter? Do they have the right to decide for you? Why are we influenced? Why does it really matter? Does it? Can we help caring about it? Why can't we be blatantly honest with each other? Can we? Please?


GROW UP! (continued)

Oh Crapidi bobidi bobidi boo! Crap Crap Crap!!!!

How I wish some people would behave and make it all easier...


Confusion quand tu nous tiens!

Today is Thursday. I am confused.
I followed carefully my friend's advice. I followed it even though I didn't want to. I followed it because apparently I was going to make a mistake. So I just did what she said I "had" to do. But I wasn't so happy after I did so. I should feel happy I did the right thing: the thing that is good for me. But I don't feel happy because I wanted to do things my way to be satisfied soon enough, but since my friend is a good -and wise friend, she said: "don't do it".
So I didn't. I said no. I did the right thing. I regret it right now. But I'm sure that at the end, that will have been the right thing to do.

At least I hope so.